Arranging a funeral yourself starts with a few concrete choices that you can already put on paper today: burial or cremation, what music to play, where to say goodbye and who to invite. You don't have to decide everything at once, but the more you commit, the less your loved ones will have to gamble about what you would have wanted.
The great thing is that this doesn't have to be a complicated process. You simply start with the questions that matter most to you, write down your answers and add to what you're still missing later. Below, we'll go through the most important sections, so you know where to start.
Burial or cremate: the first knot
The choice between burial and cremation is the starting point for many people. Some have had strong opinions about this for years, others still have doubts. Both choices have practical consequences: a cemetery requires a grave and possibly a headstone; a cremation requires a choice about the ashes. Do you want to see them scattered, kept in an urn, or distributed among your loved ones? Write down what you have in mind, even if it's still a rough sketch. This first choice often automatically determines a number of other practical issues, such as the location and the type of ceremony.
Music and atmosphere: how do you want it to feel
Music largely determines the atmosphere of a farewell. Think of the song that comes in, the music during a moment of silence, and the song that ends the ceremony. You don't have to create a complete playlist, but three or four songs with a brief explanation of why they're important to you give your loved ones something to hold on to. The same goes for smaller mood choices: flowers, clothes, or just not mourning clothes but bright colors. These kinds of details may seem unimportant, but are often exactly what people remember afterwards.
Location and guests: where and with whom
Think about where you'd like to see the farewell take place: a crematorium, a church, a private garden, or a place that has meaning for you personally. Also decide who you want to have there. An address list of people who need to be invited, including people your loved ones may not know, saves a lot of searching later. This is also the time to think about the size of the meeting: an intimate circle, or an open invitation to everyone you knew.
The funeral card: your words, your tone
Many people underestimate how much time it takes to design a funeral card in a moment of sadness. By leaving a text, photo, or design yourself, you're giving your loved ones something they can build on instead of something they have to think about all over again. You can choose a short, personal message, a poem that touches you, or just a few sentences that summarize your views on life.
Capture everything in one place
The most convenient thing is to collect all these choices in one central place, so that no one has to search through emails, notebooks or loose sheets. In clearly define your funeral wishes bring your music, location, guests, and map together in one document that you can update whenever you want. Do you also want to add a personal message, for example a video or audio recording explaining why you made certain choices? Then you can do it separately prepare as a message for a later timeso your loved ones really hear your voice and words, not just read what you wrote down.
In addition to the funeral itself, many people also think about practical issues such as policies, insurances and important documents. By keeping them safe in an encrypted digital vault, you prevent loved ones from having to search for information on top of their grief. This creates a complete picture: not only what happens to you, but also how everything surrounding it is arranged.
If you don't yet know exactly where to start, there's no problem in starting small. Write down what you're sure about first, and fill in the rest later. On the page about how PSILY works you can see step by step how you build such an overview, at your own pace and without having to finish everything at once.
Start today with recording your funeral wishes. You can create a free account at PSILY and calmly, piece by piece, gather everything your loved ones will need later.