Many parents want it, and hardly anyone does it: write a letter to your child for later. Not for next week, but for a moment that is still years away — the eighteenth anniversary, a wedding, the day they grow older themselves.
What holds people back is almost never a lack of time. The question is what in the world to write.
Why it feels so difficult
Because you're writing to someone you don't know yet. Your six-year-old daughter will be a different person in twelve years, and you don't know who. So whatever you write down feels like it could be wrong.
The way out is surprisingly simple: don't write about who she will be, but about who you are now. That doesn't change anymore. What you're feeling now, what you're hoping for today, what she looked like when she fell asleep on the couch — that's exactly what no one else can tell her later.
Start with a reminder, not a message
Most letters to children begin with wisdom: be honest, work hard, believe in yourself. Well intentioned, but it's interchangeable; anyone could have written those sentences.
So start with something concrete. The morning she was born and what you thought at the time. The song that always worked when she couldn't sleep. What really disappointed you and made you laugh about later. Memories are irreplaceable; advice isn't.
If you do want to share some of your wisdom: link it to a story. “I've learned to ask for help” is different when you mention when you didn't do it yourself.
It doesn't have to be perfect and doesn't have to be finished
A ten-line letter that you actually wrote is worth infinitely more than the perfect letter that stays in your head. You can always replace it later — with PSILY, you can edit a message for as long as you live.
If you find it difficult to write, please record it. Many people find talking easier than formulating, and your voice does something that text can't do. One recording of a few minutes is often more personal than three pages that you've rewritten four times.
When should he arrive?
Choose a time when the letter takes on meaning: an eighteenth birthday, a diploma, a wedding, or the day they have a child of their own. If you don't know the time yet, you don't have to choose — you can also link a message to an occasion instead of a date, or enter the date later.
Some parents write one letter. Others are preparing a series, one for each year between twelve and twenty. Both work. Exactly how the delivery works you can read it; it comes down to you determining the moment and PSILY making sure it arrives.
Ten minutes today
Set an alarm for ten minutes and write down one reminder. Not the letter, just one reminder. In practice, that's the only thing that's difficult — as soon as something is written, the rest will come naturally.
And if you don't do it today, do it this weekend. The letters that are most missed are those that were never written.